my passion

What a beautiful time we have had on the farm! It has been incredible to relax with family and friends in these beautiful surroundings. I have so enjoyed the different lifestyle that I experience every time I come here. Time seems to have slowed down and moments are filled with happiness, while others are filled with sadness as I take the time to reflect on the past year since I was here.

Everything around me is inspiring me at the moment. It leaves me itching to draw and create, however for some reason I still haven’t managed to pick up a pencil or paintbrush for about a week. I’ve been preoccupied with activities and people. Art is my passion and I can’t forget it. Its always in the forefront of my mind, reminding me to slow down and capture life with lead and line.

I’m so grateful to have this passion that drives me to do something. I feel like I’m truly me when I have a brush in my hand.

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reflecting on the disappointment

So my holidays have suddenly taken an interesting turn; I’m off to the farm for a month with Paige and her family! I’m typing this from the car as we travel through the first leg of the trip. I’m excited for the fun times and celebrations that are to come, but I will miss my family over this holiday season. I will be trying to blog more during this time. I’m sorry for the silence on my end. Its mostly due to a two week sickness and hospital stay and all the time I have been devoting to finishing grade 11.

I’ve spent a lot of time in the past few days reflecting on this year, particularly the big failures, disappointments and struggles. During thinking sessions like this it is so hard to not play the “what if” game.
“What if I had tried harder?”
“What if I had pushed for better relationship?”
“What if I had nipped that in the bud?”

What if. It becomes self blame and a painful cycle of self harm. I want to say that its okay, its over and I can’t change it, but that is almost a cop out. I want to believe that things can still be made right, that broken things can still be fixed and things that look like failures can turn out to be real triumphs.

I really think they can, so my intention is to hope for the things that seem the most hopeless and trust for the things that seem unreachable.