God does not promise a pain-free life. In fact, he promises just the opposite. In this broken world it is inevitable that we meet with difficulty. But he also promises infinite goodness in the midst of the pain.
Lamentations 3:31-32 says,”For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love.”
These words were spoken by a man with a great heart for God’s people. His nation was suffering through tremendous trials and he felt their pain. Yet he still dared to hope that God could pour out love while pouring out his anger. That is hope in a seemingly impossible situation, and it inspires me.
Surely I can have hope regardless of my circumstances, because my circumstances are not the full wrath of God bearing down on me and my people. So I will dare to hope.
So that October thing failed in a big way. But I’m okay with that because October was a really tough month. Onward and upward!
I just had a moment of realization. 2014 is almost over and as of now I’m pretty much a Matric student. That’s a weird thought, and I really want to stay in school for a couple more years just thinking about it. I’m in no rush to finish. I’m pretty comfortable right now. No scary new stuff for me thank you very much! Maybe I’ll just intentionally tank this upcoming set of exams and burn all records of me having done anything this year so I can repeat it? There are so many things I wish I had done! Its all too soon! People are starting to expect me to drive! What is this? I’m just a baby! I’m not ready. Basically, no.
But at the same time, they say that this is when life really starts. After school its the real world (although I’m pretty sure the life I’ve been living isn’t a figment of my imagination.) What if I never do all those things I wanted to do while in school? Like be awesome and live my life? What if the rest of my life consists of deadlines and work?
Lately I’ve been too focused on what I don’t have and what’s not happening in my life. I’ve become stingy with my time, love, money and thoughts. I’m afraid that I won’t spend the next year living generously and being the true me. I’m afraid that I won’t make any great memories that will bind up the story that is my homeschooled life. I’m afraid that I will become a knot of stress waiting to explode before a set of exams and that I will be so focused on the academic that I forget to to nurture the creative. I want to live generously and balance the work with the rest.
Being content and thankful will draw my eyes from me to the rest of the world, making me capable of living the generous and big life that I know I’m meant for.